I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
pop tarts are not kleenex
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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