Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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