So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
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My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
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there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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