Four minutes until I can fart!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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