There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize