he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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