Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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