do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize