Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
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I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
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I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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