the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
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Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
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I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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