I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
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Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
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Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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