I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize