apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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