Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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