if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize