I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
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Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
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It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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