So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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