dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
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idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
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The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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