my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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