do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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