there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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