Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
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If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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