I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize