I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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