eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You are the jesus of drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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