I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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