Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
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i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
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I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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