I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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