wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
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im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
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Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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