I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
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I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
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Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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