Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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