Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize