he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
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we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
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my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize