Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
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Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
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I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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