My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
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Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
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The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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