On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
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Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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