Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize