Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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