pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Is Oprah even human
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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