I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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