You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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