dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize