i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
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I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
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I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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