Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
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Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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