i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
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Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
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You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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