Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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