You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize