his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
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There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
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I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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