dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
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He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
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You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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