when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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